Hey y’all, there is a danger in searching for the flaws or ‘red flags’ in one another, whether friendships or relationships. In the words of Jackie Hill Perry, “We are all broken jars of clay.” In today’s society, we enter into platonic and romantic relationships searching for the red flags, the inconsistencies, descrepancies, or the incompatibility. I’m not saying do not ensure you and the individual are in alignment, but I’m saying not to be hyper-focused on someone’s flaws. When you enter into a dynamic searching for the negative, you are missing the gold within the person. I remember when I was in a marriage class and they said that marriage is making the choice that even though you see all of this dirt, you have to choose to see the gold within your partner (like gold mining). In your day to day with your spouse you see the flaws, you see the areas of improvement, but to have a successful marriage you must choose each day to see the gold underneath the dirt. As a human we all have dirt, we all are made of dirt, and we came from dirt. We all have wickedness and wicked ways, yet these ways, don’t necessarily mean, they are red flags or attributes to your character, but are areas where we missed the mark. The thing about missing the mark is that eventually you can get on a good foot, you can turn it around, even if it’s not perfection. 

‘There is nothing more deceitful than the heart of man; who can understand it? Man’s heart is sick, in need of healing.’

Jeremiah 17:9 TPT

I’m thankful that God is not like man. We see on social media the pop the balloon, the negative relationship podcasts, and other things that continue to break down one another. We are constantly searching for the flaw in one another when the Word specifically says,

‘For you’ll be judged by the same standard that you’ve used to judge others. The measurement you use on them will be used on you. Why would you focus on the flaw in someone else’s life and fail to notice the glaring flaws of your own? Or “Why do you see a speck in your brother’s eye but fail to see the beam of wood sticking out of your own eye?” How could you say to your friend, ‘Let me show you where you’re wrong,’ when you’re guilty of even more?’

Matthew 7:2-4 TPT

I just want to urge us to look at those in our lives through the lens of the Father, with care, compassion, and love. I’m not talking about toxic connections, but those you can truly see that have the fruit of the Spirit; Godly connections. We are all flawed, broken jars of clay, and we should make room for others to maintain their humanity, not expecting perfection from anyone other than the Father. That is a weight too heavy for any mortal man to bear. When we see a flaw in someone, may we begin to analyze ourselves and ask God to test our hearts. The very thing that may be frustrating you may be the very thing that God wants to use to transform you and grow you.

‘Tolerate the weaknesses of those in the family of faith, forgiving one another in the same way you have been graciously forgiven by Jesus Christ. If you find fault with someone, release this same gift of forgiveness to them. For love is supreme and must flow through each of these virtues. Love becomes the mark’

Colossians 3:13-14 TPT

Remember, when you treat people as disposable or replaceable, you make the mistake that you will have the opportunity to meet another like them again.