No one truly discusses grieving what should’ve, could’ve, or would’ve been. Whether something happened abruptly and you did not see it coming, or one of those slow, crash-and-burn moments. Trust me when I say, I stand in solidarity with you and I understand. I think it is also because even though we know life is a journey and none of it is linear, we still place unrealistic timelines on where we should be in life and what achievements we should have made by then as well. Those of us who said we wanted to be married by a specific year, obtain a degree by a specific age, be in a career field by a certain time, and have a baby by a certain age. Yet, life has a strange way of shifting without your consent or approval. Sometimes things happen by our own hands, other times by the hands of others, and then way out of left field. What do you do when you are left with the ashes of yesterday? What do you do with what you thought life would be? Where you think you would be by now? I am also asking for a friend. No one gets into relationships for them to end. No one enters a career field to be laid off. No one plans for an unplanned pregnancy. No one plans for the loss of a spouse, a child, a mother, or a friend… Yet, you have to pick up the pieces of your life and move forward while also experiencing deep grief, anger, frustration, and confusion.

‘I don’t depend on my own strength to accomplish this; however I do have one compelling focus: I forget all of the past as I fasten my heart to the future instead. ‘

Philippians 3:13

I pray that we would continue to walk boldly in faith and trust that our destiny is not tied to what has been lost. That you can recover. That you will make it through. That you can release the hopes of yesterday and lean into the blessings of today. I am not saying that it is easy or that it does not hurt, but I am saying you have to move forward anyhow. You have to truly believe that what was lost was not the best you would or could ever have. There is a blessing on the other side of this grief. I have made it through so much loss, and sometimes I did not know how I would make it through. Some days, I just wanted my questions answered, and I wanted to give up, but I am so glad I had the courage to walk forward. I am not suggesting you run forward, but that you would take one step at a time. Give yourself grace and time. Do not beat yourself up because of how things turned out. Beating yourself up and saying, “If only I had shown up better, if only I had left sooner, if only I had done better, things would be different.” The thing is, you truly do not know. Things may have been different, but would it have been better? Would it have been what was best for you and your growth? Remember, life is about becoming. Who you ought to become in the end. I pray that we no longer stare into the rearview mirror with tears in our eyes, lumps in our throats, as if the best part of our lives is back there.