Good morning y’all. Happy Saturday. I do not even know where to start other than with honesty and transparency, since this is our safe space. I have been walking through a really challenging time in my life. On one end there is freedom and liberation, yet on the other side there is grief, pain, and so many questions for God. Some days are lighter and easier to carry, while others feel like an uphill climb that tests everything in me. Yet, I know that I will make it to the other side.

Paul says in Romans 7:14-23 NLT, “So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But another power within me is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.”

Can I be real with y’all? I have been in this place because life has felt so heavy. Not only has it been heavy, but it feels like trying to hold up your arms for too long until they ache. I know that I am souled out for God, and like Paul, I hate this place that I am in. I know that so many moments in our lives are seasonal, and I believe God will bring me to the other side of this place. I also know that it requires my surrender, and sometimes all I can say is, “God, I am hurting, but I still choose You in my heart.” Maybe this is where you are too. Maybe you have been here in the past. My heart goes out to anyone fighting to let go of sin and fully surrender to God.

When life beats you down so badly that all you want to do is cope, remember this will not last forever. I know this season will pass, for you, for me, for us. Continue to cry out to God. Continue to stay broken before Him and watch Him put you back together piece by piece.