it’s not that i don’t know how i feel,
it’s that i feel everything 
all at once
deeply

it’s not that i’m stuck in my head 
i’ve made a home here
where i’m understood
sitting on the couch of thoughts 
watching memories on replay
remote in my hand

yet,
i just want someone to come inside
sit with me
cut the TV off 
let their eyes meet mine,
speaking everything i can’t say

to be understood without explaining 
to dive deep into thought and philosophy 
without being told
“i don’t know how to swim” 

to be seen beneath the flesh 
to have my heart heard, not my mouth 
who knows “i’m okay” is supplication
whose hugs are grounding 
reminding me to breathe, 
keeping me in the moment

not regretting the past
not anxious for the future
but pausing the present 
in their presence 

someone,
to finally leave the house with.