We are at the mid-point of the week; let us all hold on and finish strong. Today is going to be a good day. Let’s get into it. Self-sabotaging and self-destructing do not heal you or help you get through pain. Let me explain and give you some examples. Going through a “sexually liberated” phase after heartbreak does not heal you. Attempting to “get your get back” does not impact the other person; it only hurts you. Excessive use of vices: marijuana, alcohol, sex, video games, pornography, impulse shopping, self-harm, and others far and wide, are not vehicles that bring forth healing. Isolating yourself and emotionally distancing from others does not bring forth healing either. All of these things only hurt you, stunt your growth, and prolong the healing process. The only way to heal is to sit with your emotions, face them daily, and find healthy ways to process them. Journaling and meditating on Scripture can be a good place to start if you’re unsure where to begin.

“Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].”

Philippians 4:8 AMP

In my past, I was a master suppressor. I believe it stemmed from childhood abandonment and fear of rejection, and the habit only grew stronger once I joined the military. I was so deeply conditioned to reject my own emotions that I avoided them like the plague. Looking back now, after nearly a decade of therapy, I can clearly see how broken I was and how fragmented my heart had become. I am not immune to old patterns or the temptation to use a vice to dull the pain. Much of my pain came from the hands of others, and my response was to try to hurt them by hurting myself. But the truth is, I didn’t want to destroy myself; I wanted help. I was disappointed in others, so I punished myself. What they did was nothing compared to what I could do to myself; I beat myself down verbally, mentally, and emotionally in more ways than I could count. It has taken a long and intentional journey to learn how to speak life over myself, show myself grace, stop being overly critical, and unlearn many other toxic behaviors.

“I will not die; instead, I will live to tell what the Lord has done.”

Psalms 118:17 NLT

Know this: your healing will not come from self-destruction, but from self-discovery. It comes from releasing dead things: relationships, past disappointments, and old wounds. From loving yourself in every version, even the one who made poor decisions or hurt others. It comes from speaking life over yourself and giving yourself grace. We cannot give to others what we do not first give to ourselves: love, patience, grace, gentleness, consideration, boundaries, or kindness. We can try, but what we give will be fragmented, and anything broken, no matter how well-intentioned, cuts both the one holding it and the one receiving it. Today, let us sit with ourselves and do a heart check. Let’s stop running from pain, hurt, and disappointment, and start running toward them in faith, believing that healing is waiting on the other side. Be a blessing and be blessed.

“Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you. If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.”

Psalms 34:17-18 MSG