I believe this is a safe space I’ve created, safe enough to share parts and snippets of my own life and testimony. I want to speak to those who may still beat themselves up for decisions they made in survival mode, or honestly, in a moment of fear. I understand. And I want you to know that you do not have to live with shame, guilt, or fear—especially the shame. What do you do when, in the midst of deep pain and trauma, you end up making more mistakes? Sometimes you’re telling yourself, “Stop. Don’t go past this point.” But your heart and mind are so fractured, you move forward anyway, just to feel a moment of relief. I believe many people can relate, whether they drank a little too much one night out of sadness or eventually used it to numb a long stretch of grief, because grieving in real time is hard. I’ve been there. I was knee-deep in the pain of divorce, trying to find a way to breathe. Even though the relationship had included manipulation and emotional harm, and even though leaving was the right choice, it still hurt. It felt like my spirit had been torn in half. And with that came a deep sense of shame, guilt, and a pile of “what ifs.” In that space, I coped in ways that weren’t wise. I ended up in a situation that turned violent and left me pregnant with my second daughter, Genesis. The individual involved did not support the pregnancy and responded with fear, rejection, and harm. When I found out I was pregnant, I felt an overwhelming weight of shame and guilt, and externally, I felt judged, especially by the very people who were supposed to offer grace. But that moment became a turning point. Mind, body, and spirit—everything in me began to shift. I realized I could no longer run from grief; I had to face it. I had to accept that the life I once imagined had completely changed. The only way forward was through. I sat down, took inventory of my life, and made the decision to move differently. I had to accept that no amount of analyzing or praying could change the past. It simply was what it was.

“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NLT

Now, when I look back, I thank God for Genesis. I thank Him for giving me the strength to keep her, even when I didn’t know how I’d piece my life back together or care for another child in the middle of my brokenness. I can only give credit to God. When people ask me how I made it, I say it was nobody but Him. I walked across the stage pregnant with Genesis, with my first daughter on my hip, and received my Master’s degree. Shortly after, I applied and was accepted into a PhD program in English Literature focusing on African American Literature. I wrote 20-page papers on little sleep, cared for two daughters, drove nearly four hours to campus while pregnant, and even brought Genesis to school with me after she was born. I was given so much grace and favor along the way. And even now, after making the hard but necessary decision to move from the West Coast to the East Coast for a better life, I can see how God continues to sustain me. It has come with extreme sacrifice, but also growth, healing, and beauty. I can say this confidently: there is life on the other side of grief. There is peace on the other side of fear. There is beauty on the other side of brokenness. There truly is a land flowing with milk and honey. I didn’t always understand the process, and some days, I still don’t. But I know this: you will make it. Your situation may not look like mine, but whatever you’re facing, you are not alone. You can get through it. You will get through it. Grieve. Cry. Breathe. But don’t build a home in your pain. Don’t pitch a tent in grief. Keep moving, step by step, day by day. The other side is waiting.

‘The Lord is close to all whose hearts are crushed by pain, and he is always ready to restore the repentant one.’

Psalms 34:18 TPT