I want to start by suggesting starting today, we need to forgive ourselves. Not only do we need to forgive ourselves, but we need to give ourselves grace. We give so much love and grace to others, yet when it comes to ourselves, we seem perplexed and unsure of how to do such a thing. So just try looking at yourself in the mirror and say, “I forgive you and I give you grace. What has been done in the past, I no longer hold you to. I release you. I love you. You are safe.” Repeat this daily if you need to. Your inner child needs to hear it. Now, what I really want to get into is internalization. Do not internalize someone else’s behavior and how they chose to show up for you. If someone came into your life and treated you poorly, misused, abused, neglected, or cheated on you, or any other scenario that is not your fault. Do not continue to blame yourself and even possibly believe the lie that you are disposable or unlovable. I remember that I would do this very thing. I would be a great friend or partner to someone, things get a bit strained, they would hurt me by stonewalling, gaslighting, being narcissistic, shaping my character into whatever fits their narrative, lying, and more, and I would blame myself. I would inwardly believe that it is because of who I am as a person, and this is why these things happen to me. I now know that the way someone shows up is a direct reflection of themselves and the state of their heart. How we treat people is a direct reflection of our relationship with God. I believe that every person who comes into my life is a gift from God Himself, so I want to treat them well not just because of them, but because I know I am held accountable to God.

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’’

Matthew 25:40

Instead of internalizing someone else’s behavior, let’s reframe our thinking and change our inner belief system. If someone is manipulative, abusive, or just did not show up as their best selves (because not everyone who hurts someone is outright abusive), forgive them. Pray for them and their hearts to change, and love them anyway, maybe at a safe distance. Let’s love people to life even if they do not have the capacity to do the same in this season. I believe that God can reach anyone and touch any heart. I feel bad for those who hurt genuine people. It makes me think that maybe they have only ever been abused, maybe they never truly experienced the love of God, maybe they don’t believe they are worthy of a genuine friend, or that there is so much brokenness within them they cannot even bear the idea of facing you. Nevertheless, there is grace and love for everyone. Love the unlovable, forgive those you may never get an apology from, and most importantly, forgive yourself.

“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”

1 Peter 4:8